Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Saying Goodbye

As hard as it was, I did it. I met Leslie, Nokie's partner, at Cracker Barrel for lunch. She was wonderful and he was happy as could be. The boy just loves to be loved and loves to work. Instead of going into all the details of that sad and heartfelt goodbye I'm going to post every picture I have of him.





His first night at my house!



I'll post more as I find them and organize my photos.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Missing my boy



Mom said something to me last night. She said that the love that Nokie has in his soul is overwhelming. And it's true. He's just got so much love to give that when you get it, it's like a chemical reaction. I found a quote that I liked, I thought it fitting.
The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~Carl Jung
That that's why it's so hard for me to let him go even when I know it's for his betterment. I know he's not being loved any less than he was here. I know he's going to be fine and that I'll see him again. But still...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

It's what fools do

What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much to long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.

I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down
Like a fool, I fell in love with you,
Turned my whole world upside down.

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane.
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain.

~Eric Clapton (verses of Layla)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Nokie's Traits

Things Nokie likes:
  • having his belly rubbed
  • eating
  • sleeping
  • running in an open field, at TOP speed!
  • playing with other dogs who are just as fast as him
  • cuddling
  • laying across your lap
Nokie's favorite thing.... having his ears rubbed. He'll fall asleep almost instantly. His eyes roll up in his head and he grumbles under his breath. It's by far his favorite thing. Along with having his ears rubbed he likes you to rub the top of his head and between his eyes as he's falling asleep.

When Nok is ready for bed he lays next to/on top of you and grumbles. He waits for you to touch him and will usually direct your hand to where he wants it to be (most of the time, it's the top of his head). Every now and then you're going to have to rub his belly for a bit until he's really relaxed, then he'll roll over and want you to rub his head. You should get comfortable at this point because once he falls asleep, he doesn't move.

I have woken up in the oddest positions while sleeping with Nokie. Once I was laying across the top of my bed on the pillows while he was spread out on the rest. I've tried countless different ways to get him to share. I make him wait until I'm comfy then ask him to come up. He just nestles in and inevitably moves you over. I've tried getting up in the middle of the night and psychically pushing him over, he just readjusts and you realize that you've lost more ground than you gained.

Things Nokie doesn't like:
  • loud noises, not so much that they scare him, he just doesn't like them
  • to be touched when he's really tired or just woke up, especially if the one touching him is Hawk and Hawk is the reason he's tired or just woke up :)
  • people he can't get to. By this I mean, if he's on a leash and can't get to my neighbor who's walking up the stairs he barks and growls and sounds 4 times bigger than he is. However, if they just come up to him or he gets to them he all wagging tail and attention seeking.
  • being left alone/behind. Nokie gets his feelings hurt very easily. He thinks that being left behind is a punishment of sorts and gets very depressed. It was only last weekend that he didn't follow me to the door when I left for work. Since October he's always followed me and I've had to reassure him that he can't come and that I'll be back later. Last weekend he was taking a nap in bed. I got told him I was going to work, he looked at my clothes (I wear all black to work), gave me a kiss and went back to sleep.
Nokie is such a peculiar character at times. He's very loving and wants nothing more than to please. His every emotion is played out in his beautiful eyes and are very easy to read. I was at the kennel puppy hugging and he had been left behind when the other dogs went out in public. It was easy to see how lonely and upset he was. I went to him first, as I always tired to do, and said hi. He wagged a little and I told him I was going to go walk the puppies but I would see him before I left and say goodbye. He wagged a little more and gave me a kiss.

Kisses are another thing that is something of a gift when they come from Nokie. He can be very stingy with his love. He must really be feeling it and in the mood to give kisses. My mom has tried countless time to get him to kiss her and it only happens occasionally. Nokie kisses are truly wonderful and unique because of how rare they are. I know I have cherished everyone I've ever received and look forward to getting as many as I can in our last two weekends together.

Alarm clock training

I was asked by Kara, Nokie's trainer, to start working with him and the alarm clock. He was to wake me by touch and show me that the alarm was going off. She went over everything with me and we were on our way. We had a good night, I went to work, he slept on the couch until I got back. (At least I think that's what he does. Whenever I come home he's always asleep on the couch.) We went to bed somewhat late, I think we watched a movie before turning in. I set the alarm to go off at 0645. Nokie is usually up around then wanting to go out to potty. Well, Murphy's Law states that whatever can go wrong, will go wrong. He woke up early, 6ish, and went potty then. We came back in and went back to bed. I had prepared some jerky and treats the night before. They were under my pillows with m clicker. When the alarm went off I listened to see if Nokie did anything. Nothing happened except that the alarm got louder. I have one of those alarms that, when set to buzz, starts off soft then gradually gets louder to the point of being obnoxious. After something like a full mintue I tried to coax him to see if he would react. I called his name and got nothing. He was drapped across my legs, eyes closed, breathing deep. I moved my legs. He grumbled and got comfortable again. By now the alarm was ridiculous and I could not believe that he was actually still asleep! I tried calling him again, told him to touch. I got nothing. The boy would NOT wake up! Finally I moved my legs out from under his head completely and sat up, telling him to touch and tapping my leg. He opened his eyes for the first time and, I swear, he rolled one eye at me then buried his head under my legs and went back to sleep! I got up and shut off the alarm, thinking we'd have better with the next one. The clock I have can be set for two different times, I hade set it for 0645 and 0750. This was with the impression that I would beat him to waking up by about 10 minutes. Apparently those 10 minutes are very important to him.

At 0750 the alarm went off again and this time, instead of trying to ignore it and me, when I told him to touch he just got out of bed and went to the couch!! Needless to say, I think he won rounds one and two...

The next morning we tried things a little different. He woke up before the alarm and we went out. I kept him awake and pratcied touch with him in all different positions. Standing, sitting, sitting on the bed, laying on the bed, laying under the covers, we tried it all. When the alarm went off I told him touch and he bounced up to me and touched me with his paw on my chest. I treated him and asked him to show me. This was where things went downhill in round three. When asked "Show me" Nokie ran from the bed and into my office to stare at my computer. Baffled, I said "show me" again, this time he ran into the living room and kitchen and searched for the noise. It had reached it's obnoxious point by now again and Nokie was still searching the kitchen. I yelled to him and he came back, I looked at the clock and said "show me" one more time. He leaped, and I do mean leaped, over the bed and wagged his tail at the alarm clock. I promptly shut it off and treated him. Better late then never I suppose...

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Tropical Storm Nokie and Hurricane Hawk

Why he didn't figure it out the first weekend I don't know, but he got it down solid this past weekend. Nokie has realized with perfect clarity that Hawk can't get to him on the bed. Hawk has gotten tall enough to, not get on the couch, but get up close enough to annoy Nokie. So Nokie has taken to stealing whatever Hawk is playing with and jumping up on the bed. He then dangles it off the edge, letting Hawk jump and scramble trying to get it back. Sunday was a nightmare in skidding dogs and things being knocked off the coffee table. I think Hawk wrote about it in his blog. The two of them were acting like lunatics. Nice for me, because afterward they both slept for almost three hours and I could get some homework finished.

I've been thinking of some of my other Nokie stories and I'm going to post the one about our first weekend working on him touching me when the alarm clock goes off. I'll get back and post sometime today or tomorrow. Right now, I have to finish cleaning up after Hawk's bad day.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Petty Larceny, a Graduation Gift and A Christmas Story

In the months that I've been getting Nokie I've tried everything I could to make him happy and comfortable with me. He sleeps in my bed, we cuddle on the couch. Hell, I even turn the TV down when he falls asleep! I just want him to enjoy his time with me as much as I enjoy my time with him.

Since we've been together I've been trying to find a toy for him. He has lots of bones at my house (most of which, since the pup has arrived, are now spread throughout the different rooms of my apartment instead of being in the toy box) and for the longest time that was the only thing that I could find that he showed any interest in. We've been to plenty of stores, I've showed him dozens of toys, all to no avail. He just wasn't in to them. I got him a double tennis ball to throw around in the field where we go, but even that bores him after about two tosses.

We were in Wal-Mart and going through the dog aisle. I got him a new bone and showed him some of the toys they had. He couldn't have cared less. He was far more interested in the "buffet" that we were walking through. So I gave up, wondering when to just call the game and let lost causes be lost causes. As we went through the store we got the usual stares and giggles from children and adults alike. It wasn't until we were in the electronics section that I heard this crazy mechanical barking noise. Wondering what the hell made such a loud and annoying noise I turned to see Nokie posed at me with his butt in the air and his tail wagging itself into a blur. "You can not be serious. Where did you get that!" He just hopped and made the thing do it's obnoxious bark again. It was a small orange fox with a box in the belly that when squeezed, barked. I had no idea when he had picked it off the shelf. I tried to take it from him and he got a bit upset, he wanted it back. I told him I had to buy before he could play with it. Not what he wanted to hear. So, being the sucker that I am, I cut the trip short, bought the fox, and took him home. Let me tell you, after a while, it gets to the point that you don't care how cute and happy they are you just want the damn noise to stop! I took it away and looked for an off switch. It, being a dog toy, of course had none. The only rule that I have implemented with severity is no bones on the furniture and NO fox in bed. He has since grown incredibly attached to it. I asked Linzey if he could take it with him when he left me and she said yes. I was happy for him and sorry for the next guy.

I lost my little sister, a beautiful 2 year old St. Bernard named Molly in April of 2007 to Addisons disease. My brother also lost his 4 year old Shiba Inu, Maggie, around the same time due to illness. It was a very tough time for our famliy. About a month after Molly passed her sister, Bella, became available for adoption and after some debate she came to live with us. My brother and father had gotten a resuce, Ginger, just a short time before Maggie died so that Maggie would have someone to play with and not be lonely. They were about the same age and got along great. When Maggie died, Ginger was upset and went through her greiving as did the rest of us. My brother graduated from UMBC this past December. As a graduation gift to him, my dad got him a new puppy. A beautiful 10 week old Shiba Inu. While Maggie was a rarity, having a glossy white coat, the new puppy had the traditional soft red/tan coat with white markings. Mikie named her Summer, because that's what she reminded him of. When I first saw her I couldn't believe how cute she was! She was just beautiful! She looked like a tiny orange fox...

I come from a split family and therefore have two Christmases. When I went down to see my dad and brother I had Nokie. I got him for two weeks and was glad to have the opportunity to show him off to my family in MD that had only heard about him and seen some pictures. When we arrived at my dad's house, Nok was tired. I got him out of the car and he perked up realizing he was in a new place. I knocked and brought him in the house, wanting him to meet everyone before being allowed to run crazy with them in the backyard. Ginger (as always) was right there at the door when we walked in (she's usually looking for a quick excape). Nokie was wagging and happy to see someone new to play with who seemed eager to play. With all the commotion he didn't see Summer right away. But boy, when he did...his whole face lit up! On a side note: the only thing I brought with me on the trip down for him was his big bone. So that he wouldn't get too bored in the car. I couldn't bear to listen to the fox the whole 2 hour trip down to Baltimore. When Nok saw Summer he rushed her. The leash was ripped from my hand and he was up the stairs in a flash. It's only a split level, it's like 6 steps, but by the time I had gotten up them he had Summer on her back and was nipping and pushing on her belly! Cue Mikie...

It was a chorus of my dad yelling "PUPPY DEATH MATCH!! WINNER EATS THE OTHER TWO!" and Mikie yelling "GET YOUR DAMN DOG OFF SUMMER! HE'S GOING TO HURT HER!" I grabbed Nokie and with that brought Ginger along for the ride (she was jumping and climbing on everyone). Summer righted herself and came up to us, pigtail wagging. She challenged Nokie and it was on. They raced through the house, up and down the stairs, until someone had the sense to open the back door and yell "OUTSIDE" and then it was a blur of yellow, red and brown. They tore all through the yard, it was nuts! Cute, but nuts nonetheless. After everything had begun to calm down I noticed that Nokie still kept trying to push Summer over and squeeze her belly. She would let him do it for a while until she got fed up with it and then she'd scratch at his nose and he'd back off enough for her to roll over. When she did, it started all over again. She would antagonize him until he gave chase and they were having an unbelievable (and possibly dangerous) amount of fun. Ginger, being older, sought out the protection of her chair and my dad from time to time. It was definately a sight to see.

On the drive home Nokie was so sound asleep that he was snoring. Let it be known that Nokie doesn't snore. I've been sleeping with him for months, I know. He grumbles (literally. think of an old man talking under his breath) and he sighs (that one he does a lot). He doesn't not snore. I just laughed at him. He slept for two days after that. I would leave the house and instead of the usual, no you have to stay here while I go to work, I'd have to find him and tell him I was leaving. And frankly, I don't think he gave a damn, I'm not sure he was even capable of hearing me.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Nokie





How it all started....

Susquehanna Service Dogs is an organization that breeds, raises and trains service dogs. These dogs are loved and nurtured to their fullest potential. I first learned of SSD when my mother gave me an article that she had cut out of the newspaper. I've always had dogs growing up and now that I had been living on my own for a while, the itch to get one was becoming unbearable. After discussing it with my mom we both came to the conclusion that there was just no way that I could afford to have a dog. At least, that is, I couldn't afford to have both a dog and myself. The article stated that SSD was looking for people and families interested in being puppy raisers. SSD would pay for everything the dog needed with the only expense to you, the raiser, being food, time and love. I couldn't believe it! It was exactly the perfect answer to my problem. However once the initial elation settled I had to come to terms with, well, the terms. The dog would not REALLY be my dog. I would have to give the dog back after 16 to 18 months of having it. Could I do that?

I began to worry, wonder if I was capable of something like this. Of giving my heart to someone who I knew in advance was going to take it, care for it, then leave with it. Could I handle that kind of a heart break? It wouldn't be the same as my divorce, or anything else that I had experienced up until that point in my life. This would be different, this would be the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. As the months passed I began to think less and less about it. I hadn't heard anything back from SSD other than they had gotten my application and would contact me soon. After waiting, I think, 2 months Linzey e-mailed me and told me that I would have an in home interview as soon as she could arrange it.

I panicked. It was like DCFS was coming to investigate. I cleaned almost everyday. Rearranged my furniture to make the place look bigger, make it look like I had plenty of room for a dog. Started talking to friends (ok just one friend, Ari) and asking if they could come over when I was at work. All this and I wasn't even sure if I'd get an interview, much less a dog yet! I know I can be a bit of an obsessive....

When it looked like I may never get that interview I asked Linzey if I could come to an Orientation. She was somewhat hesitant. She said they liked to have people have their interview first but because it was taking so long for her to find someone to come out that I was welcome to attend the Orientation.

It was one hell of a drive up there. Let me just get that out of the way. Nancy's house and kennel (where the Orientation was) redefines middle of no where. I was nervous. What if they thought I was some stupid punk who thought that just because they had dogs growing up they knew it all? What if they didn't like that I lived alone and the dog would be alone when I was at work? I was late leaving my house and late arriving for the Orientation. Strike one against me, as far as I'm concerned. There weren't that many people there. Five of us not including Linzey and her mother. We were in what I now know is the training room of the kennel. I could hear the dogs barking and it took all I had not to go and see them. To wait to be invited.

The Orientation was a blast. I learned so much!! I couldn't believe how easily the dogs picked things up! We worked with Gideon, a demo dog who lives with Nancy and is used to show what the SSD's can do. I learned the basics of clicker training and received a puppy raising manual. Afterward I stuck around and spoke to Linzey. I tried, and I think failed, to contain my enthusiasm for getting a dog from them. Linzey was wonderful! Never once getting impatient with my seemingly endless questions and just as eager as me to see me get started. I told her about my current dogs. Buddy Lee and Bella. My little brother and sister who live with my mom. We shared stories and came to how Bella was a bit of a foster child. Bounced to 4 different homes in 2 years she had serious issues when we finally got her, mainly trust issues. Linzey was interested in this and asked how we dealt with it. I told her that Bella received constant and unconditional attention and her needed space so that she could adjust to life with us (aka: the good life). Linzey then told me about Roanoke.

SSD Roanoke was having some behavior issues. He wasn't listening and had his transfer date pushed back, his training was suffering. There was no one who could get him on a regular enough basis for him to regain the trust in humans that he needed to succeed. The dogs at the kennel who are in advanced training all get to go home on the weekends with a sitter. This gives them a break from each other and a break from constant schooling. They have time to relax and enjoy being a dog. Sleeping in beds instead of a kennel and watching TV instead of listening to a radio and other barking dogs, the weekend babysitters were a reprieve. Nokie, as he's called, had had quite a few different sitters. All telling of different behavior issues that he displayed. Not responding when being told to come. Biting his leash. Removing toilet paper from every bathroom in the house. He had quite the rap sheet.

Linzey asked if that, for starters, I would consider being a puppy sitter. If I would be able to give Nokie a constant home on the weekends and help to give him some stability. I was ecstatic! Are you kidding me? Not only do I get a dog, but right away and one that really needs my help! I couldn't wait. She said she would make the arrangements and that I could take him the following weekend. She asked her mom to get him from the kennel and bring him out.

All I saw was a few blurs of yellow. Someone else had escaped when he was let out and they all came running in and tearing through the training room like tornadoes! It was too funny! She tried to tell me which one was Nokie, but I stepped on her words by asking what was wrong with one of them, why did he have a dark spot under his leg? She laughed and said that's Nokie and that's his chocolate spot. I said, "That's Nokie?" and no sooner did his name come out of my mouth, he was in my lap. Hugging and kissing like a pro, I was hooked.

Our first weekend was tough on me. I didn't have any idea how it was going to work out and hadn't really thought about how to manage my time with him. I didn't pick him up until after work. I got there about 8 or 9 at night and he was the only one left in the kennel. It broke my heart to see him there alone. He was WAY excited to see me, which kinda threw me off. We had only met once and this was not the dog that had been described to me. He was bad, yes. Jumping up and running around like a nut job. But he was nothing but love. With huge brown eyes that went straight to his soul it was all I could do to restrain myself, but I failed, I was in love.

The weekend was a good one. Nokie got my place to himself Saturday night while I was at work. We spent the day Sunday on the couch watching TV. As Sunday night approached it dawned on me that though our time together had just begun, it was already over. I had to go to school early Monday morning and he had to be back at the kennel that night or by 9am Monday.

We had learned a lot about each other that first weekend. I learned Nokie wasn't as bad as people made him out to be and he learned that I was a very mellow person. I was accustomed to having only one day a week to myself with no work and no school. Sunday's were my days to watch TV, catch up on my shows and just do nothing. Nokie was a little bored at first and then learned to relax with me on the couch. You see, Nokie it's just an easy going dog, he's an extreme cuddler. Once he realized that all that was expected of him was to relax, he did just that. He would get on the couch and lay across me. Always with his head in my lap. And by 11 Sunday night I was at a terrible crossroads. I actually wondered, what would they do to me if I didn't bring him back? Send the police? Silly, I know, but as I sat there petting the silken red head in my lap, I didn't want to take him back.

The whole drive to the kennel was fraught with unanswered questions. What if no one else has brought a dog back and he's got to spend the night alone? Could I do that? Could I leave him there alone? Should I just turn around, take him back home and skip my morning class to bring him in the morning. At least that way I was sure he wouldn't be alone. As usual, I had more questions than time and before I knew it I was pulling into Nancy's driveway. When I closed my car door, the noise set off a chorus of barking. Smiling because I knew that at least he wouldn't be alone I got him out of the car. It comforted me a lot to see how excited he was to be back at the kennel. It made me feel so much better knowing that he wanted to be there as much as I wanted him to like it there. He was back at school and happy.

The next few weekends flew by. I had my interview and all was well with the world. I worked out my schedule so that I could get Nokie during the afternoon and he wouldn't have to wait alone for me all night. I asked Ari to come over on nights I work and play with him some and let him out. Things have been great.

Now it's January and I've just received my puppy, Hawk. Linzey has told me that February 20th will be my last weekend with Nokie. He will be going to live with another family to finish training and begin his team training with his partner. Luckily, from what I understand, I'll get to meet that partner. I began this as a sort of way to share our short chapter of life that we spent together and to maybe help give his partner an idea of what they're really getting in to.